This day, being Australia Day and the nearly 250 years of baggage that goes with it, I made an executive decision to re-blog my missive on the fine line writers literally “walk” when storytelling.
~ Lee-Anne Marie Kling
Above are two attempts at describing the same event. In the first I’ve used pronouns, he, his, he felt. This is me as the writer intruding, describing the action. I’ve also said he felt scared, telling not showing the fear. This is third person subjective.
In the second I’ve got rid of the pronouns, added more sensory information to illustrate fear, added internal dialogue and provided a detailed memory. It required more words but gives a deeper experience for the reader. This is third person subjective deep point of view. (Also known as 3rd person limited or 3rd person close)
Using Deep Point of View (Deep PoV) is a writing style that has become increasingly popular in the past two to three decades. It is tricky to understand, and I’ve found requires a lot of study and practice. The idea is that you tell your story from the perspective of the character, that the story emerges through their experience which includes what they see, hear, feel, taste and smell. Add some thoughts, opinions and memories and then remove the narrator’s voice, (he felt, he thought, she wondered, she saw.)
Changing your natural writing style is challenging work but I think adopting deep PoV can make the writing zing and allows the reader to engage more closely with the characters. But do I need to use deep PoV all the time and for all my characters?
I write Historical novels set in the Regency era. The writing style of authors such as Jane Austin, Charlotte Bronte and Charles Dickens use third person, but the narrator is always popping in with observations and opinions. I want my own novels to reflect the writing style of the era in which they are set but I also like to adopt the modern deeper point of view. It’s a challenge.
Having done some reading into this complex topic I have come to a set of rules that work for me as a writer. It’s a work in progress; I am learning new things all the time and making adjustments, but I thought it might help people if I share my guidelines.
These are my recommendations. They will not suit everyone, and they are a work in progress. My idea is that I write the first draft of my novel/short story and select the character who will be the PoV character for the scene/chapter but not focus on creating the deep PoV until I’ve done a structural edit. I will then do an editing sweep looking at strengthening the sensory input, opinions, thoughts, memories and actions in strategic scenes in the book.
Points of view is a complex topic. I found the following articles and books helpful.
https://www.masterclass.com/articles/how-to-write-deep-pov
https://thewritepractice.com/deep-pov/
https://theeditorsblog.net/2011/11/16/deep-pov-whats-so-deep-about-it/
I also used Richard Bradburn’s book Self-Editing for Self-Publishers, Reen Publishing 2020
I’m still finding my way with PoV. I don’t head hop as much, but I can’t say that I am deeply conscious of using deep PoV as I write my first draft, but it’s an effective and powerful tool for introducing new characters. For me it works for one or two characters in a novel and is valuable to use in highly emotive, pivotal scenes. I do enjoy giving my character’s opinions and internal dialogue as it brings the reader closer to the character.
Cheers and Merry Christmas
Elsie King© 2024
When I first mooted (last century) to author a story of our adventure in Central Australia in 1977, Dad told me, “No! You’ll upset people.”
So, I waited decades, then wrote a private copy for my dad. Dad was appreciative but thought our safari adventures in 1981 would be more entertaining. Hence the creation of my travel memoir, Trekking with the T-Team: Central Australian Safari 1981.
The 1977 pilgrimage to the Centre languished in the draw for another decade, until enough time had passed to hopefully not offend people, and it had morphed into a historical travel “faction”; a story based on real events, some real people and others made up. In fact, before publishing my latest book, The T-Team with Mr. B: Central Australian Safari 1977, I included a disclaimer to that effect.
Why all the drama?
You see, as we know in life, an individual’s image of themselves, their reputation is important to them. Their reputation, social status, and what others think of them is vital for their survival and advancement in society.
With this in mind, you could wonder how accurate is history? Especially as individuals and cohorts of high status must maintain their reputations to keep that high status. I mean surely kings have never been murderers, leaders been despots, sports and movie icons immoral.
Have they?
I wonder…
Meanwhile, certain internet platforms are full of happy, well-adjusted individuals with thousands of friends.
Anyway, that being said, it’s not just these days that people have put their best face forward and hide their proverbial skeletons in cupboards. I confess that there are bony “proverbials” in our family history—locked away, key lost…
An elderly relative told me that I couldn’t put my missionary great-grandmother’s letters relating to her Caesarean birth experience in the Cameroon Africa in 1899 into the Lutheran Archives. Too personal, she said. Somehow, they are there now.
If my great-grandmother’s birth experience is too sensitive for some, imagine the real spicy skeletons that exist in families. Again, in our family, those fascinating stories have been leaked by enterprising characters who have written about them and published the works, these being limited publications such as family histories, part of a research study or as a theological study in one case. With the theological study book, we were told plainly, we were forbidden to read that book. Heaven help us if we developed sympathy for the good doctor with a problem with alcohol addiction. I read the book and found it fascinating and encouraging as it revealed in a very real and practical way, God’s love and grace for his broken people.
So, here I am thinking, just the type of stories the rest of the world would be interested in. Stories with grit, guts and depth. Stories that can change our thinking. Help grow us to be better people. Yet, because of an individual’s or community’s sensitivities and threat to their individual or collective reputations, these life-experiences remain ethereal, talked about in whispered tones around the dinner table after a few drinks, or when reminiscing the past with elderly relatives.
Well, that’s my family.
On the other side, there are writers who have no inhibitions when it comes to publishing juicy details on their family’s or friends’ misfortunes and unfortunate life-choices. They change the names, add spicy details of their own creation (just to give a little “kick”), and on they go to entertain their readership. Nothing like those skeletons to fire up the imagination. My eyes widen as one tells me about their friends or family they’ve included (without their knowledge) in the latest novel. I muse how common this modus operandi of writing is.
However, the rest of us, especially in Indie Scriptorium are sensitive to the feelings of family, friends and associates, and have shrouded our characters’ real-life identities in history, Science fiction, fantasy, as well as conglomerating them with several people we know while at the same time veiling the situations to disguise them. That way, no one gets offended or takes us to court…hopefully. As I mentioned, disclaimers about characters not resembling anyone in real life help.
So, I bring this missive to it’s conclusion, for now; our life’s journey, the people we meet, the people we from whom we are descended, the choices we make and the consequences that come from those choices, all enrich our lives and creativity with the stories they generate. And the skeletons in the cupboard also have stories to tell. In whatever way we decide to tell those secret spicy stories, whether as history or fiction, true characters or disguised ones, you never know, it may be those stories that will have influence for good and growth for the reader.
What do you think? Let us know in the comments below.
© Lee-Anne Marie Kling 2023
Feature Photo: Kangaroo bones, Brachina Gorge, Flinders Ranges © L.M. Kling 1999
[Again, I have been revisiting my first Sci-Fi thriller novel, Mission of the Unwilling, preparing it for a revamp and release of a second edition. So, I have been working on my writing and have been reflecting on what I have learnt makes for a good story.]
Unbelievable, that’s what they said about my novel. Unbelievable. Is that why my first novel, Mission of the Unwilling has failed to thrive? Why there’s no feedback? Or is it a case of someone who’s not a Young Adult, and just not into Sci-Fi? Although, some readers who have kindly given feedback on this novel were rather traumatised by some of the horror scenes and wondered what indeed went on in my head.
Whatever, I consider this feedback valid and believable. Over the next few months, I plan to revisit Minna’s world and her adventures at the mercy of Boris and learn from my venture into self-publishing. Nothing is wasted. The take-away from the most recent honest feedback—make my stories believable.
What does this mean for me as I refine the craft of storytelling?
But what does “suspending disbelief” mean. I mean, really? I mean, when I revisit my stories, to me, the characters are alive, the setting an on-site movie set, and I gladly invest in the tale told. Not so for some of my readers, apparently. In truth, I’m too close to my work to view it objectively. I need and appreciate feedback from others. I’d go as far as to say that most writers benefit from a second, third, fourth or umpteenth pair of eyes to make their work the best it possibly can be.
So, from the perspective as a reader, that extra pair of eyes on other works, here’s what I’ve learnt that suspends disbelief and do some unpacking of techniques that make characters, setting and journey more believable.
Yes, pile on the misery, pile on the challenges, don’t be afraid to get your characters into strife; that’s what the reader’s looking for. But remember, the chain of events must be believable. An article by Laurence Block, Keeping Your Fiction Shipshape*, describes the relationship between storyteller and audience is like enticing readers onto a cruise ship, keeping them there, and delivering them back to port with a good satisfying end.
It’s the skill of the storyteller to convince the audience. If the characters are believable, the setting is believable, and the action believable, your readers will enjoy the ride and complete the journey you, as the storyteller, takes them on.
As an aside, another crucial piece of feedback given about the book from several readers were that this first novel was too fast paced. In response, I have been doing some research how to manage pacing in my storytelling. This will be a topic for a future post.
© Lee-Anne Marie Kling 2016; updated 2022
Feature Photo: Line up for Notre dame Cathedral © Lee-Anne Marie Kling 2014
[Why Notre dame? Victor Hugo, the author of Hunchback of Notre-Dame, spent the first three-quarters of the book describing the setting. Useful if you visit Paris but does nothing for moving the story forward.
Also, tourists willing to invest in the journey to climb Notre-Dame by waiting several hours in the long line that stretched the length of the Cathedral. What will they see? The gargoyles (characters), a view of Paris (setting) and a climb and walk through the Cathedral (the journey).]
Question: What makes a story stand out for you? What makes you want to read past the first page? The first chapter? The first book? Or if you are watching shows on your favourite streaming service, what makes you want to forget about all else and binge?
I like crime shows, mostly not-so-real crime such as “Midsomer Murders”, “True Detective” and quirky ones like “Fargo”. Yeah, I could go on, see what I mean? I’ve been bingeing.
You might think, strange for a Sci-Fi (Indie) author. Not surprising, then, I’ve considered doing the reverse of John Wyndham and move genre from Sci-Fi to Crime Fiction. We’ll see…Meanwhile, there’s my travels with the T-Team and the latest the T-Team with Mr. B to look forward to. Funny about that story, Elsie King read it and gave feedback. She suggested the character of Mr. B would fit well into a murder mystery. After initially rejecting the idea, I started working on a character who possessed some of Mr. B’s endearing personality and behaviours in a draft for a future murder mystery.
Anyway, the thing about successful crime shows is how they engage the audience to know the people involved, the characters. The key to the crime (or any genre for that matter) is what the characters want, what they really want, influences their actions, that, in time, lead to tragic consequences. For example, a woman who wants, more than anything else, wealth and security, commits fraud and murder to fulfil her desires.
The question, what your character wants, applies to any story, novel in any genre you write. In one of my recent posts (Choice Bites–Minna) on my website Tru-Kling Creations, Mission of the Unwilling heroine, Minna, in her encounter with Boris came out of an exercise to get to know my characters and what they want most.
Understanding your character’s history helps the reader invest in your character and want to know them more. Whether they are good, like Minna, or an evil antagonist like Boris, exploring your character’s bio, and giving the reader a taste of their history, engages the reader in your character’s life-journey.
Again, the Boris story evolved for me as I delved into the murky depths of Boris’ life; how this alien cockroach as a power-hungry despot destroyed his own world through greed, and then sought to dominate all worlds in the galaxy in the quest to rebuild his empire. I also investigated why he singled out Earth and took revenge on her people.
Then one sunny day, as I sat on my back patio, I made a study of my characters; their personalities, backgrounds, and interactions with each other…and by the end of the afternoon, The Hitch-hiker evolved.
Novels are about people—characters. Stuck with your novel’s progress? Writer’s block? Spend an afternoon developing your characters; interview them, find out what their interests are, their birthdate, parents, likes, dislikes, and what they want most. Soon you’ll have them all sitting at a table in a restaurant, discussing, or arguing with each other. You’ll see their story-lines weave in and out like a tapestry. Conflicts will arise, resolutions made with a twist, and villains and heroes will leap out from your computer screen, or page.
Our novels, our stories are life, and life is people. The reality is no one is an island. Even a convict in solitary confinement had parents, had a journey, a reason he ended up in solitary, and people who put him there.
So, getting back to the question, “What makes a story stand out for you?” Here’s the take-away—even simple entertainment, the characters are the key. Get to know your characters, and they will give you a story.
Begin by asking your character: What do you want most in life?
© Lee-Anne Marie Kling 2016; updated 2022
Jetty Boys © M.E. Trudinger circa 1958
***
Very difficult indeed! But it is essential when you are writing a story. Dialogue develops character, moves the story along and helps paint the picture. When we are speaking (as in conversation) we often fail to use complete sentences and our choice of words depends on a number of factors: our relationship to the other person or persons; the situation at the time and our attitude to that particular situation…
For example, consider the following from an extract from my (unpublished) children’s story, Chaos in the Kingdom:
‘…the sudden explosion of a loud voice from some distance away startled all in the room.
‘What’s this about visitors? Who are they? Anyone know? Where’ve you put ‘em?’
‘Two ladies, sir. In the sitting room, sir.’
‘Know ‘em?’
‘No, sir.’
‘Any idea what they want?’ The voice was much closer now.
‘No, sir. No idea at all.’
‘Well if they’re trying to sell us something, I’ll soon send ‘em packing.’
‘Very good, sir.’
The door was flung open and a large man exuding repressed energy strode into the room. Then stopped short.
There are no names given but it is obvious that these two are in a master/servant relationship; that the master (at least) is male: decisive, possibly intolerant and used to giving orders that are always obeyed. However, the ‘servant’ character is unperturbed by his master’s bossiness; lack of respect and obvious propensity for making assumptions and jumping to conclusions. A great deal of information in only ninety four words!
A bit further along in the story:
“Then he turned towards the tall woman standing nearby. ‘Honoria?’ he queried. She smiled and nodded. ‘Welcome back, old girl. Nice to see you again. No hard feelings, eh?’
‘No,” she said. ‘None whatsoever. It’s good to be back. We’ve had quite an adventurous time of it.’
‘I’ll bet you have. Can’t wait to hear all about it. You haven’t changed a bit, y’know.’
‘From that I take it I looked middle-aged when I was twenty.’ This was said quite tartly.
He glanced piercingly at her for a moment, shrugged slightly, then turned back to Lady Cecilia. ‘Mother, this is marvellous. Absolutely amazing. I’ve got so much to tell you, so much to show you. You’ve got to meet everybody. So many people you don’t know. Place swarming with kids, now – grandchildren everywhere. I say!’
The excited flow stopped suddenly.
‘That means that you are a great-grandmother! How about that?
Lady Cecilia gasped.
‘I never thought…. Oh dear! What a shock!’ She shook her head in disbelief. ‘So you must be a grandfather! I can’t believe that. I really can’t.’
She then turned to the third woman who had been standing by, silent and dumbfounded. ‘My dear, we don’t know each other but we must be family. So please, who are you?’
Before there was time for an answer Cyrus butted in, ‘That’s Celia; Ceddie’s wife. Mother of those two.’ A casual wave of his hand in the direction of Cynthia and Cyrilla implied they were of little account.
‘Now come on, Mother. Let’s show you over the place. See all the changes we’ve made.’
‘Cyrus! Please!’ said Miss Honoria. ‘Your mother needs a rest. We’ve come a long way and are very tired. And please give us a chance to meet all these new people before showing us things and places. Cecilia is an old lady now and…’
‘Honoria, dear, I’m not decrepit!
‘Of course you’re not, dear. But you’re not as strong as you were when we left either. Cyrus has to look after you now.’
‘I’m sure he will, Honoria. Won’t you, dear?’ she said, smiling at the paunchy, somewhat grey headed man she was still finding it hard to believe was her son; superficially so unlike the slim young man with his shock of tousled red hair that she remembered from long ago. Yet the eyes, the smile, the voice and vitality were all still the same.
‘I’m sorry,’ said Cyrus. ‘I didn’t think.’
‘Well that’s something that hasn’t changed,’ murmured Miss Honoria.
He glared at her and the twins nudged each other. They sensed sparks were going to fly and, thrilling at the thought, studied Miss Honoria carefully. They were determined to get to know her, make friends with her.”
This time 455 words; more characters are incorporated and more information about the overbearing, bossy male from the first extract is given. There is somewhat less dialogue but enough to flesh out the picture. We now know his name and have realized that there is at least one person who cannot and will not put up with his thoughtless exuberance, someone from his past.
Dialogue is powerful; as it moves the story along it can show us a great deal about your characters’ personalities. However it is critically important that it does truly reflect each one’s different personality in the words they use; how they put those words together; the rhythm and timing of their speech, even their pronunciation of particular words if that differs markedly from the accepted standard for the time and place you are writing about.
Not always easy. But doable. Have fun!!
© Mary McDee 2022
Feature Photo: Conversational Geese, Murray Bridge © L.M. Kling 2017
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