A Choice Poem
community sourcing
Over-Exposed–Can There Be Too Much Showing?
[This piece is so freshly written that the ink, if it were printed, would still be drying. It’s my thoughts on the subject of the value of “telling” in a writing world dominated by “showing”. I relate, here my own experiences as a writer and, being late at night here in Adelaide, South Australia, it hasn’t had the rigorous checks from the Indie Scriptorium team, or my mother. Please excuse any mistakes. They will be corrected in the next day or two.]
Telling vs Showing
I remember my early days in Writers’ group. Every time one of the members had a “telling passage” or a “was” in their sentence, the mentor went into meltdown.
So memorable her reaction to such writing offences, that, like the good writing students that we were, we avoided “telling” and “wases” as if they were the plague.
This “showing’ trend has flavoured storytelling since, I’m guessing, the advent of visual media, television and movies. So, at least the last hundred years. Before such time, literature was soaked in “telling”, passive voice and let’s not forget, the stodgy weasel words of the adverb and adjective kind. Read old news reports from the nineteenth century which you can on Trove, and you’ll see what I mean—weasel words as thick as treacle.
Why? In the past before television and movies, readers relied on minute descriptions to visualise the story. However, these days, “telling” all that detail sends the modern-day reader asleep. These days, readers prefer and enjoy “showing”. After all, isn’t visual media all showing?
Now, showing is fine. I attempted to find an article on the value of telling, especially since I believed that historical pieces and memoir would be more accurate and effective as telling—especially if a reader is researching and needs to gather facts as quickly and efficiently as possible.
Could I find it?
No. Na-na!
Gone with the wind and tide of proverbial algorithms to the bottom of the sea of blogs and posts. Thus, galvanising the rule that “showing” trumps “telling”.
So, as I was saying, for years I trained my storytelling craft to show and not tell. My first published novel Mission of the Unwilling is testimony to the triumph of showing over telling at all costs, an exemplar of page-turning, heart racing, showing and non-stop action in space.
The feedback? It was exhausting! Too fast-paced and gory images that the poor reader can never erase from their mind. Oh, well, the first is the worst, so they say.
As time progressed, the mentor moved on and the writers’ group grew up, I mean, matured as writers. Telling and the word “was” crept into our prose. When questioned, the more experienced, wiser writers replied, “What’s wrong with was?” Or “Telling moves the story on—as long as it’s not too much.”
I began to notice television shows such as “Arrested Development” and also famous people authoring their memoirs, use loads of “wases”, have heaps of telling, weasel words galore, plus plenty of passive sentences. And do you know what? I enjoyed watching these shows and reading these narratives.
But still, I soldiered on with showing with the avoidance of telling. I produced another four books which I published on Amazon. Yet, as time progressed, the occasional “was” crept in and stayed. Some telling did too. As did the weasel words. Was I getting slack in my old writing-age? No, such techniques balanced the storytelling and give the prose flow and rhythm.
Then, last year, I pulled out an old manuscript from 2010. Each week I revised, edited and then read a chapter from this story. No one complained. They nodded and said, “We can’t wait to hear what happens next.” I gave them all a completed copy to read as beta readers.
And here is where the story of that old manuscript becomes unhinged. Elsie King and my mother also received a beta copy. Now, keep in mind that this manuscript was written in the days when “show” was at its zenith in my writers’ group, and “telling” was to be hunted down and burnt at the stake.
Elsie’s report on the manuscript was scathing. She pulled the book to shreds and, apart from the idea I had, there was nothing redeemable in the manuscript.
Then, the nail in the coffin, mum started reading the story. “This is a disaster,” she said. “the prose is all jerky.”
Needless to say, I will not inflict the story on you readers for another ten years or so. Will take that long to fix it all up.
We figured out, however, that the main problem with this manuscript was that there was too much telling. Again, like Mission of the Unwilling, too fast paced with no place for the reader to rest. As for the “jerky” prose, that was also down to too much showing to avoid the passive sentences and “was”.
I might add here, I put the manuscript through the Microsoft Word editor, and it didn’t have anything good to say about the words written.
To conclude, what I learnt through this experience, was that telling does have its place. Telling is useful for pacing and to give the reader a rest after fast-paced action or high drama. In addition, telling, the use of the occasional adverb or adjective, or even “was” can help the words flow in the art of storytelling.
© Lee-Anne Marie Kling 2024
Feature Photo: Over-Exposed Native pine branches, Alligator Gorge Flinders Ranges © L.M. Kling 2024
On Marketing–Why Blog?
The Benefits of Blogging
As a member of Indie Scriptorium one of our duties is to write and publish blogs on aspects of writing, editing, publishing or marketing every three weeks. Two years later we are doing a review of our blogs with the idea of putting them into an anthology.
As we currently only have three members the task of blogging has proved to be onerous. We would love to have some new members but …. Coming up with a topic, doing the research, writing 500-1000 words that make sense can be challenging. Making sure the blog is professionally written, properly edited and provides valuable information can be time consuming.
Indie Scriptorium has posted over a hundred blogs in two years. We have a following of 70 people and occasionally get positive feedback with likes from Facebook. Friends from my writing groups have also said they read the blogs and find them helpful. Yay.
But is the time and effort worthwhile for a busy writer who would rather be working on their next novel or short story?
I was recently asked where I find the time to blog? I responded without thinking. Oh, it’s a pain but I actually get a lot out of blogging. And on reflection that is true.
Doing a regular blog means that I am constantly researching writing skills, how to edit, what steps do you need to do to publish a book do a cover and burb, write a synopsis and market a book. (I need to do more research on this topic) In addition I have learnt about the legal, moral and technical issues to do with writing.
Looking back, I’ve realised that blogging has improved my writing style, made me a better editor and critique partner, has got me two books published and will in the future get my books marketed. The blogs have been like a course in creative writing, done with good friends and we have people who find our efforts helpful. We also will have a book of blogs later in the year for people to buy in the near future. That’s enough good reasons to keep me going.
Cheers
© Elsie King 2024
Getting Going and Flowing with your Writing
Tackling the Challenge of Writing
Do you want to write? Wish you could write? Feel you have stories in your head that want to come out, stories you are sure others would enjoy? But you just don’t know where to start!
Many would-be writers seem to think that you must start at the beginning, work your way through the first chapter then the next and the next until you get to the end. Finito! Ready for publication!
This may be the way it is for some; but in my experience, very few. Very, very few. Such folk are rare birds indeed and quite possibly rare birds with a great deal of experience. The rest of us have to do things differently.
One way that is highly recommended and successfully used by many is to work out a plan; make notes for each chapter; shuffle things around a bit if it seems better that way; add or subtract incidents, characters, locations… Then, when you are happy with the big picture you’ve worked out, you can get writing. Many will begin at the beginning and proceed in an orderly manner, chapter by chapter. Others will find it more satisfactory; more useful to jump in the middle somewhere; write the easy bits (or maybe the harder bits!) first up. Doesn’t matter; all equally valid and ultimately successful. So go with what suits you.
I’ve always seen my “early-draft” writing as a sort of jigsaw puzzle – dozens of pieces (ideas) to be fitted together in such a way that they would eventually create a “picture” to be enjoyed or confronted or challenged by or…
As a kid I loved jigsaws; spent hours doing them and devised many different ways of tackling them. The easiest way was to separate out all the edge pieces; assemble the “frame” then fill in the middle. If I wanted a challenge, I’d divide the big heap into little heaps of similar colours and go from there. The ultimate challenge was to do the whole thing using all the pieces reversed, i.e. on a large tray or rectangular pan used for cooking slices or cakes and with the plain backing uppermost. When complete I’d carefully tip the whole lot out to check for success (or failure!).
Using the jigsaw analogy, my initial writing on scraps of paper; on the backs of envelopes or circular letters are the jigsaw pieces. Sometimes it might be great chunks of scribbled prose (or poetry). At other times just a sentence or two, a few words that seemed to sing; to sum up a situation, a feeling, an incident, a character… It’s all grist to the mill; grist that I will re-arrange, add to, change, scrap, enhance, re-locate, delete…
Whenever I begin with a nice, orderly, logical plan or outline I feel it’s like starting the jigsaw with the edge pieces; things flow and there is a comfortable feeling of achievement. Many times, however, I feel I’m wrestling with all the pieces upside down, the blank backs of the bits, no idea of the final picture.
I know my finished product has to have a beginning, a middle and an end. It must flow; have a logical sequence of events; maybe a crisis and resolution; drama, pathos, evince tears or laughter or… But this is the finished work; ready for a reader to enjoy. The completed jigsaw puzzle.
So, how do you tackle your writing? Are you hobbled by the belief that you must start at the beginning and laboriously work your way through in logical progression? Or do you always just jump in the deep end, flounder around, fed up and frustrated? Either way it is far too easy to decide this writing racket is all too hard; you’ve no talent; it’s not for you. Which is sad if you have ideas and stories in your head that you want to share, if you find words fascinating and putting them together in interesting ways a satisfying and fulfilling challenge.
When it comes to grammar and basic sentence structure there ARE rules that need to be obeyed. If you don’t know the rules or your knowledge of them is wobbly, you don’t need to see this as a major roadblock – there are plenty of people willing and able to help tidy up writing for those who see the rules of grammar as a bit of a handicap but don’t let this stop them getting their ideas down onto paper. These people are called editors, and all published authors value the contributions they make to the final success of their literary efforts. There is absolutely no humiliation or shame attached to using the services of an editor. Just make sure you get a kind, caring and, above all, knowledgeable one!!
BUT but, but.
There are no rules at all when it comes the actual writing bit itself. How, when where you do it is up to you; your own choice to suit you and your lifestyle. Do it your way; whatever feels right and comfortable for YOU. But do just grab a pen, pencil, bit of paper and write.
© Mary McDee 2024
Feature Photo: Branches creating a puzzle © L.M. Kling 2023
The Trouble with Technology
[After another debacle involving technology last Friday which sent the world into a tailspin, I have brought Elsie King’s “rant”, I mean, reflections on her tussle with technology, forward one week. It was my turn, but after my own wrangling with Windows 11 in the midst of the aforementioned debacle, while producing my art group’s newsletter, I had had enough for one week…so here’s Elsie’s take on technology. ~ Lee-Anne Marie Kling ]
Technology Roadblocks
I came to computing later in life. When I went to university, we didn’t have computers and had to do all our research in libraries from books or journals. I wrote my first novel on an electric typewriter. I probably bought my first computer when I was in my forties.
I started using computers at work, then got a home computer and I slowly got more confident at using one. Then came the smart phones, social media, Google, on-line banking and passwords, passwords, passwords.
Sometimes it feels you only have to blink and something new appears. We now have AI and everything is linked and we can talk to technology and get our heater turned on when we are on the bus home. It seems to me that younger people who grew up with technology fare better with these rapid changes, better than people who didn’t.
Technology makes so many things easier for an author. Research is amazingly fast, getting a book self-published to Amazon, a website on WIX or having an author page is complex but doable. However, technology can also cause so many problems for the unwary.
I have recently self-published my second novel A Suitable Bride. It should have been a joyous occasion but problems with the technology wasted my time and caused distress. My first problem occurred when I decided to get an author page on Meta (I still call it Facebook). I set up one, was happy with the result but then tried to publish my blog from my website on the new author page. Didn’t work.
I’ve never had problems before with uploading a blog to Facebook and I needed to blog to market my new novel. I tried to sort it out with Meta but had no idea what the first step was. I found out the new Facebook business page is set up for marketing and once they have you hooked, they won’t easily let you go. I googled, explored my Facebook account and got into a chat line but couldn’t find the delete button. After hours of wasted time, a friend suggested I try unsubscribing. Finally, back to my old classic Facebook page.
Tried again to get my WIX website blog onto Facebook. No luck. After many wasted hours I found a phone number. Yay a lifeline for the technologically challenged. WIX represented by Jerry in America proved to be magnificent. I’m on an Apple she was on a PC which brought in another level of complication but after an hour we got it sorted. However, a week later and another blog and couldn’t post it again. Back to WIX helpline when I have the time.
My third technology glitch occurred when I uploaded my novel to Amazon. I have previously published with Kindle Direct Publishing, and I have sold a few copies of my novel on-line. I have a wonderful ASIN link for my first novel A Suitable Heir https://www.amazon.com.au/dp/B0CB52VT16
It works. Try it, just press the link and like magic you get to the Amazon page, and you can purchase my novel. Yay.
I was provided with another link for my second novel A Suitable Bride
And guess what? It doesn’t work.
I have no idea why? I have no idea how to fix it and finding help that doesn’t go round and round in a useless chat appears to be beyond Amazon.
IF ANYONE WHO READS THIS CAN HELP, PLEASE MAKE A COMMENT AT THE BOTTOM OF THIS BLOG.
Not being able to get usable links for my book means readers who want an e-book from Amazon can’t be linked from my website. I have been invited to release my book on various platforms but as I don’t have a usable link, I’ve put on-line marketing on hold and I’m concentrating physical book sales of author copies for family and friends.
You can get a print copy and an e-book through Draft2Digital whose links work worldwide. So, if you wish to order A Suitable Bride, please use the D2d link.
Thanks, Draft2digital because your link is working just fine.
Modern technology is brilliant and awful. When it works well it is time saving, easy and helps authors get their stories and ideas into print. When something goes wrong it is a time- wasting nightmare and definitely acts as a roadblock when trying to market your book. The services for getting help are difficult to negotiate and much of the language and instructions used expects a much higher level of computer competence than is available to this little black duck. I will keep on trying to sort this out, but it has been a series of roadblocks that is making my journey much more difficult than expected.
Not so cheerful
Elsie King©2024
Photo attributed to Creative Commons – artist unknown
Writing Tips–Evocative and Effective Writing
DISTILLING the ESSENCE
Many, many years ago I read something that, as a writer, has haunted me ever since.
Those words painted a picture that stayed in my mind – it is only a simple picture but vivid and emotive; a picture I wish I had the skill to record with repaint.
The sun is low in the sky – morning or evening it matters not. I’m sitting by a lake surrounded by trees but nestled in a mountainous land. Far away, at the other end the mountains soar up in cliffs that come right to the edge of the lake. At one point a waterfall cascades in a maelstrom of spray.
However, in front of me, things are more peaceful. As the sun to my left is so low in the sky the trees are casting long shadows across the lake. A gentle breeze is disturbing the leaves causing those shadows to move while at the same time rippling the surface of the water so the shadows break up and re-form.
As I said, a simple picture: two short paragraphs; one hundred and nineteen words in all. I hope, with my word picture, I’ve been able to get you to see what I can see, feel a little of what I feel whenever I bring this to mind.
“So, what!!” I can hear you muttering. “Where are you going with all this waffle? What’s the point? And that title makes no sense at all!”
If I were you, I’d agree entirely. So let me explain. It was a mere seven words from a poem written about two hundred years ago by Alfred, Lord Tennyson; Englishman whose life spanned the eighteen hundreds (1809 – 1892). Those seven words? –
“The long light shakes across the lake.”
To be able to produce seven simple little words, all but one a single syllable and arrange them in such a way that they gave me a vivid picture was thrilling. I was awe struck. And humbled. This was what writing was all about! Would; could, I ever be able to attain a level of skill to match this??
The next line; (another seven words!) “And the wild cataract leaps in glory” fleshed things out; completed the picture. Wow!!
© Mary McDee 2024
Feature Photo: Valley, Lake, Mountains—Engelberg, Switzerland © L.M. Kling 1998
NB. That poem, by the way, is “The Splendour Falls on Castle Walls” if you want to check it out.
Encouragement for Bloggers–Buried Gold
[Our Indie Scriptorium team have been putting together an anthology of some of our posts over the last two years. As I hunted around my messy computer filing-system for a number of these cheeky posts that went hiding, I came across this gem that somehow got buried in the vast layers of time. Amazing what one finds when searching for something else. So, with a few changes, here it is…Enjoy and be encouraged.]
BURIED GOLD
People spend their lives building their own kingdoms. As creators, we often measure success by how far our name-brand spreads over the “Empire” of the internet, world, community, and how much “gold” (money) we’ve amassed through the sale of our product.
When I first started exhibiting my paintings, friends, family, and fellow artists asked, ‘Have you sold?’ and ‘How many paintings have you sold?’
The fact that I had sold made me an authentic artist.
Same can be true as an author of two self-published works of fiction. Again, like a broken record, those interested asked, ‘How many books have you sold?’
Answer, ‘Er, um…not that many.’
Then the implication I should have gone through the traditional route of getting a publisher.
Yup, maybe, probably…still deciding if I’ll do that with future books, especially the travel ones that have colour photos on glossy pages—the coffee-table variety. Not sure how I’d go…I mean, I’m not an unpublished “virgin” since I’ve gone ahead and self-published on Amazon. I got impatient, afraid I’d remain invisible with a pile of rejection letters, and my novel manuscripts languishing as a PDF-file on my computer hard-drive (the hard copies stored in a box in my closet).
So, I published The Hitch-hiker (a novella) and Mission of the Unwilling (novel), on Amazon. Check them out. You can download them for the cost of a cup of coffee and find out what mischief Boris gets up to.
After publishing, having a little launch in our South Aussie pre-Christmas summer sweltering in 40 degrees Celsius, then a DIY advertising with bookmarks, flyers and emails, I decided to do research on how other Indi-authors built up their e-book kingdoms. There must be a secret method for digging up the buried gold of success in sales.
I discovered a mine of information lighting up my computer screen. I also discovered a precious nugget in an old Australian Artist Magazine—stand-out quality. In today’s language, I assume that means “brand”.
So, when at our SALA exhibition launch, a friend told me they knew which paintings were mine, that I had a unique style, I thanked them. I was on the right track with my “brand”.
But my books? Well, there’s Boris…albeit swamped by millions of other characters on Amazon.
Then, I discovered a gem—blogging. Not in the way I anticipated, though. I was optimistic. With my blogging presence, out there, I expected sales to rise and hundreds of instant visitors to my blogsite. My works were brilliant, right?
My posts drowned under the deluge of millions of other posts, tweets, Facebook pages, and other more successful blogs. For weeks, I remained South Australia’s best kept secret. Even my mum couldn’t find me—not even with my help on her computer.
Fellow writers at my writers’ group suggested I needed to post articles more frequently, get those WWW- “neural”-pathways (Algorithms) working by increasing traffic. Still, the site remained as lively as a cemetery.
Over time, I gathered a band of followers: friends, family, colleagues from church, writers’ and art group. Interest ensued—all Australian—no likes.
Undeterred, I wrote and published posts once or twice a week. Writing, my therapy. The articles available for free, my gift to the world. I prayed that there’d be others out there who’d find my words, and consider them useful, inspirational, amusing.
Week by week, comments and likes (mostly from mum) trickled in. Then, a comment from someone I didn’t know…and a visitor from the United States. Oh, what joy!
A friend encouraged me. I’d improved since they first started reading my blogs. Yes, writing is a craft; the discipline and practice refined my skill to communicate.
I read posts from other bloggers. I liked the posts that resonated with me. I knew I must start commenting. Friends who had websites and blogs said that’s how you make your presence known in the blogging community. I usually read WordPress articles late at night and was concerned my comments would come across as sleep garbled. Eventually, I plucked up the courage to comment. My first comment was about cats.
Each month, slow and steady, the number of followers, likes and visitors grew. My site on WordPress, the first place I visit each day when I open my computer. What countries have visited today? Check the emails. Who has liked me? Who’s following? I visit their sites and see what gems of writing, stories, photos, or paintings they have.
My world has opened; I read stories from every continent…and my stories shared around the globe.
The treasure I found by entering the world of bloggers, is not the gold I collect in my bank account for my own kingdom from my own works, but the cities of gold we share collectively as writers and artists. We put our stories out there and celebrate each other’s works.
So, a heart-felt thank you for all you who have followed, liked and visited my humble site—and thank you all for your stories, insights, artwork and photography.
So, if you’ve started up a blog/website and are waiting for it to be noticed, don’t give up. Keep writing, reading, commenting, liking and following and watch your readership grow.
© Lee-Anne Marie Kling 2016; updated, 2024
Feature Photo: Orange-Golden Sunset (c) L.M. Kling 2024
Story Writing Tips–Fab First Lines
Fabulous Opening lines.
It’s my opinion a good opening line isn’t essential for your story or novel, but it won’t do it any harm.
My critique group decided to revisit the essentials of writing as a way of everyone learning from the same page and improving our collective efforts at finding the right words for our various projects.
First topic – opening lines.
I realised that when I read a novel I don’t get put off by the opening line hence my opinion that a good opening line is not essential is from my personal experience. However, I love books written in third person in past tense so if the first line has an omniscient POV and is written in the present tense I tend to put it back on the library shelf.
So, what makes a good opening line?
I googled the above question and found some great information.
The Literary Hub presented an article by Allegra Hyde.
Literary Hub
A good opening line “should capture your characters voice, it should carry your style, and it should be relevant and meaningful enough to engage your readers and entice them to read onto the next line.” An, “elegantly balanced dose of clarity and curiosity.”
However, it should not be “so heavy that it weighs on you or so literary that it chases away or confuses the reader.”
Allegra also suggests that the opening lines clarity should provide a sense of time, place, character and plot. The curiosity can involve the element of tragedy, conflict, mystery that fuels your story.
Jericho Writers
Jericho Writers
https://jerichowriters.com › good-opening-sentences
Suggest a short clear sentence that grabs the readers attention.
Use verbs correctly and adjectives sparingly.
Use words that add weight.
It doesn’t have to be loud; subtlety can be effective.
After doing this research I decided that for me a good opening line:
- Is a short sentence where every word has weight and substance.
- Intrigues the reader
- Clarifies if the novel is written in first person, third person or omniscient.
- Provides the tone of the book
- Pulls the reader into the situation
- Infuses them with curiosity about what comes next.
I then found some examples of opening lines I loved:(you can’t beat the classics)
Albert Camus – “Mother died today.”
Jane Austen – “It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife.” (apparently the most famous opening line ever)
Charles Dickens – “Marley was dead: to begin with.” (love this one)
So, putting the new knowledge into our own writing I have selected to test out some ideas for my new romantic short story Honeygate.
- He stood at the back of the hall his face shrouded by a deep hoodie. (Does capture the tone of the story but too descriptive with no hook)
- Magical, menacing mesmerising. (Fuels the curiosity but doesn’t provide any clarity about who’s talking or the situation)
- I couldn’t see his face but his gaze stole my well-rehearsed words and left me floundering. (clearly defines the characters point of view, raises curiosity, puts it into a context and suggests the potential conflict between the protagonists)
Just doing this exercise has raised my awareness of the importance of an opening line and given me some directions so I can play around with various types of lines and find the best one.
What I found particularly helpful is that using a first-person POV would work well for this story. My heroine has felt the impact of the hero’s gaze and is discombobulated enough to forget her speech she can have the stage from here on and tell us her story from her perspective.
Hope this makes sense
Cheers Elsie King©2024
The illustration is attributed to an Unknown Author is licensed under CC BY-NC-ND.
Writing tips–Show and Tell
Showing and Telling
“Don’t tell me the moon is shining. Show me the glint of light on broken glass.”
–Anton Chekhov
The pictures in an exhibition do not come with a detailed written description. You don’t get paragraphs telling the viewer what the subject matter is, what colours are used and why, what time of day the painting depicts the theme, composition or the medium used. The pictures show all that information. The little accompanying tag tells you the essentials—title, medium, artist name and price. That’s all you need.
In creative writing we use both showing and telling. But what does showing mean? What is telling? How do you differentiate when to show and when to tell? It can be tricky to sort it out, but these are my ideas.
Telling enables the author to provide quick, factual information. It may be important, but you don’t need to go into the information in any depth. It can move a story along efficiently. It’s like the painting tag, brief, factual but essential information. Telling may move the reader to another time, another place, mention the weather, comment on a relationship but it is briefly mentioned. Nothing is happening in the time or place that requires delving into the character or the story.
Telling examples: Twenty years later she found herself back in Rome.
It was a hot night.
He got married twice before he met the love of his life.
Showing is like painting a picture. It gets the reader to look deeply at a scene, often through the characters perspective, thoughts and dialogue. It delves into the character and situation and stirs the heart. It is slower and richer. Showing is the writer’s device to enter into the character, to use their senses, thoughts and emotions. It creates drama and provokes emotions and wonder in the reader.
Some examples:
Rome, the heat was cruel, the smell of dust and onions spiced the air. Nothing had changed in twenty years except there were more people on the streets and the noise of traffic roared in the background. Brenda sniffed, felt the baking, rough stone beneath her fingers. “Hello Rome, I’m back.” She laughed and remembered. I wonder if he’s still alive.
Heat wept from the night sky.
Robert’s heart actually pounded. He was too old for this. She looked like an angel her white hair long, lush and thick, her eyes deep pools of love. Her body strained towards him. I don’t deserve her. He turned to his son with a grin. “I should have bought a dog thirty years ago. Loyal, loving and much cheaper than two wives.”
The balance of showing and telling is something that I hadn’t considered prior to this blog. When you think of it, it should be easy. You show when you write an important dramatic scene but tell when you want to move your story to the next dramatic scene. But too much drama can be overwhelming while too much telling slows the story down and distances the reader.
You also must think about if you want the reader to be moved by what you are writing. Some subject matter is so dramatic it’s better to distance the reader by just telling events.
I’m currently working on a story which is about the very emotive subject of abortion. I’ve written it using more telling than showing and I think this works as it steps the reader back from what may cause distress or anger. The following paragraphs I hope illustrate my technique. The telling is in bold script.
Mavis finished feeding the baby, changed his wet nappy and swaddled him in his blanket. He looked at her with trusting dark blue eyes, his skin a golden colour his little fists fighting to get free of the blanket. But milk, comfort and gentle rocking made wakefulness futile. Mavis tucked him back into the cardboard box and pondered who to contact first.
Abandonment became a movement. The papers took sides. The right-wing journalists condemned the mothers of the children. The left -wing journalists blamed the right for life movement and evangelical churches. The airways rang with strident arguments and the police and social services complained of a lack of resources and put out regular appeals for more funding and foster carers.
“What’s happening to the babies, Caroline?” Mavis asked as she handed over another child from the front porch of an old Congregational Church. She now knew the names of many of the police officers, paramedics, nurses and social workers.
“Oh, Mavis” the woman’s eyes welled with tears. “We can’t get any more foster carers and the adoption process is, well it’s slow because they have to check everything before they can do a legal adoption. It’s a mess, and the entire system is overwhelmed. Lots of these babies have special needs and we can’t get them in with foster parents anyway. They couldn’t cope. We’ve had to open up orphanages and even that isn’t working. These babies need a mom and dad. They don’t do well if they don’t have cuddles and attention. It’s so sad.”
Mavis remembered seeing pictures of abandoned orphans in Russia or was it Romania? Remembered sunken sad eyes, skeletal bodies covered in sores. She felt her heart pound and her stomach clench. Her doctor said it was anxiety, but Mavis knew it for what it was, guilt. They had demanded the abolition of abortion and that was causing this horrible dilemma. They had saved the unborn, but the living children were suffering.
I hope this give other writers some ideas about showing and telling. I am considering doing the above exercise on my writing as another editing technique. It certainly makes you aware of when you are showing and when you are telling and what balance is required for the piece of writing.
Hope you get something out of this too.
The following references were used for this blog. They go into this topic in detail and provide fitting examples and explanations.
- Jericho Writers – Show don’t Tell: What it means and why it matters – Henry Bingham (no date provided)
- Writers write – How to master “Show don’t Tell” – Kyle A. Massa 2023
- Pro-writing aid – “Show don’t tell” in Creative Writing – Sean Glatch 2022
Cheers ElsieKing©2024
Photo of Marion Art Group exhibition L.C. Wong©2024
A Poem–Birth of a Novel
BIRTH of the NOVEL
Ever since time began
We’ve been telling tales
Entertaining others
With stories of people and perfidy
Friendship, revenge
Cowardice and bravery…
Imagination soars –
We can see those we create,
Hear their voices,
Eavesdrop their chatting.
We know them so well,
How they dress,
Where they live,
Who they love
Or hate….
What it is that they feel
And why…
When it was that the conflicts
They’re embroiled in began –
For a story must have conflict,
Conflict and resolution.
Ever since we could speak
We’ve been telling tales.
Yarning round campfires;
Huddled in caves
As storms howl;
Rain drowns our world
So we seek comfort,
Seek to pass time,
Seek to get into the mind
Of our mates,
We build shared memories
And forge a community.
Time passed.
Scratchings on stone became letters –
A letter for each sound that we spoke.
Those letters made words
So now we recorded our doings and thoughts,
Our buying and selling, Our songs and our stories…
The novel was born!
(c) Mary McDee 2024
Feature Photo: Around the Campfire (c) L.M. Kling 2010
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