A relative mentioned how in choosing a book to read, they kept on overlooking and dismissing one with a rather plain cover. Finally, they ran out of options and decided to give this book a chance. To their amazement, they thoroughly enjoyed the story—a real gem. They recommended we read the book.
Although we are taught from young to “not judge a book by its cover”, in the reality of today’s world of competition, advertising and marketing, the cover of our books is vital. Plain cover—overlooked. An eye-catching cover—a potential sale.
And so, we come to my first novel, Mission of the Unwilling. My team members at Indie Scriptorium advised that although its cover was, well, pleasant, it wasn’t up there, and well, dare I say it again, eye-catching like the covers of my successive books. They said that the covers of my war on Boris Series, The Hitch-hikerand The Lost World of the Wends, being my artwork, had more zing.
I did some research about marketing. Discovered that a book series needs to have features that set it apart and are easily recognisable to the readers who are following the story. Suggestions were: artwork that reflects the genre and story, style, typeface, colours, same size books, and of course, the blurb at the back that hooks the reader.
Back to the proverbial “drawing board” or my collection of artworks for a suitable cover for my first novel. After all, I was planning on revising it and releasing a second edition. Around the same time, a fellow artist, Liz Maxted, had painted a UFO scene. Impressed, I asked if I could use it for a cover of one of my future novels. She was thrilled and allowed me to borrow the painting to photograph.
As it has turned out, when working on the new cover for Mission of the Unwilling, Liz’s UFO fits perfectly, hovering over the Sellicks Beach cliffs of my watercolour.
I also changed the blurb to fit with contemporary issues, that being in Mission of the Unwilling’s case, the scourge of bullying and the victim rising above their identity of unworthiness to becoming a hero.
Then, on a roll, I created a cover for the sequel to Mission of the Unwilling, Diamonds in the Cave. And again, Liz Maxted’s UFO fits seamlessly in the mist and clouds of the Mount Martin range of the Pilgrim Planet. In Diamonds in the Cave, my heroine, Minna as a teenage mother, grapples with loss, her mental health, and the issue of witch-hunts plaguing the town.
I’m hoping Diamonds in the Cave will be ready for release soon. Just have to read through it once again, before handing it over to my Indie Scriptorium team to test read and edit. As I said at the beginning, in these competitive times, books are judged by their covers, but the inside needs to match up with good standards too.
Following on from “Raised commas aka Dratted apostrophes” back in September, we thought you might enjoy the following text of a children’s story featuring these pesky punctuation marks (taken to a somewhat bizarre level, we must admit). Bizarre as they are, in this piece we can assure you that this is grammatically correct.
Jan and her Gran
Jan has a Gran,
Gran belongs to Jan
And Jan has fun with her Gran.
Jan’s Gran has a van.
The van belongs to Gran,
Gran belongs to Jan
And Jan has fun with her Gran.
Jan’s Gran’s van had wings,
the wings belonged to the van,
the van belongs to Gran,
Gran belongs to Jan
and Jan has fun with her Gran.
Jan’s Gran’s van’s wings had nuts.
The nuts belonged to the wings,
the wings belonged to the van,
the van belongs to Gran,
Gran belongs to Jan
and Jan has fun with her Gran.
Jan’s Gran’s van’s wings nuts held the wings onto Jan’s Gran’s van
so Jan and her Gran could hop in the van and go off on trips.
For many, many years I was convinced that I “couldn’t write” even though I loved reading, even though I had ideas zooming around in my head, even though I loved words and playing around with them, even though I made up endless stories…
I did write poems, but they were different from stories. My poems were little, short snippets of language where the words were crafted in my head, fiddled around with to get the best ones in the best place, where everything sounded just right before I had to record them on paper. That was fun. There was a sense of achievement.
Stories and essays were a very different kettle of fish. They were hard work. Producing them was a matter of painstaking drudgery that began in Primary school. Back then, at the start of every school year children were issued with a heap of pristine exercise books that had to be taken home, covered and had our own name and the particular subject name written neatly on the front.
The expectation was that the work in each one was to be our very best. No scribbling; no scratching out; no careless, untidy work; no crumpled or torn pages. In other words, by the end of the year that exercise book should be as pristine as it had been on day one but full of work in our very best handwriting. Unattainable perfection for most of us!!
As far as writing was concerned the two that were my nemesis; my tragic downfalls were labelled Handwriting and Composition. The former was bad enough, but it was the latter that led to my conviction: “I can’t write”. Apart from the “Product Perfect” headset the other thing about compositions was that they had to be written straight into the composition book with correct spelling, perfect punctuation, excellent handwriting… no rough copy, no first draft, no preliminary notes. Straight from the brain cells to the page; no muckin’ about.
If I wanted to use a nice long expressive word like ginormous but didn’t know how to spell it correctly, I had to make do with a little short one I could spell (big) because errors were out, frowned upon, seen as evidence of lack of learning, failure… Where was the interest or excitement in that? I was effectively crippled.
Fortunately, education in this area seems to have moved on. Composition books as I knew them have gone the way of the dodo. Teachers and students now talk about first drafts and final copies. Thanks be.
If you can relate to that last paragraph then count your blessings and keep pouring your ideas, thoughts, stories out onto paper or into your computer. If it is the rest (or even part of the rest) and you want to write but think you can’t then ditch the doubts, grab a writing implement – pen, paper, computer – jump in and make a splash. Mistakes and stuffing up are potholes, not impassable roadblocks.
We learn by doing! And lots of practice!! So go to it and good luck.
[Again, I have been revisiting my first Sci-Fi thriller novel, Mission of the Unwilling, preparing it for a revamp and release of a second edition. So, I have been working on my writing and have been reflecting on what I have learnt makes for a good story.]
Unbelievable to Believable
Unbelievable, that’s what they said about my novel. Unbelievable. Is that why my first novel, Mission of the Unwilling has failed to thrive? Why there’s no feedback? Or is it a case of someone who’s not a Young Adult, and just not into Sci-Fi? Although, some readers who have kindly given feedback on this novel were rather traumatised by some of the horror scenes and wondered what indeed went on in my head.
Whatever, I consider this feedback valid and believable. Over the next few months, I plan to revisit Minna’s world and her adventures at the mercy of Boris and learn from my venture into self-publishing. Nothing is wasted. The take-away from the most recent honest feedback—make my stories believable.
What does this mean for me as I refine the craft of storytelling?
My characters are real to the reader.
The setting is authentic, so that the reader can step into my constructed “world” suspending all disbelief.
The audience buy into the journey they take into that world.
But what does “suspending disbelief” mean. I mean, really? I mean, when I revisit my stories, to me, the characters are alive, the setting an on-site movie set, and I gladly invest in the tale told. Not so for some of my readers, apparently. In truth, I’m too close to my work to view it objectively. I need and appreciate feedback from others. I’d go as far as to say that most writers benefit from a second, third, fourth or umpteenth pair of eyes to make their work the best it possibly can be.
So, from the perspective as a reader, that extra pair of eyes on other works, here’s what I’ve learnt that suspends disbelief and do some unpacking of techniques that make characters, setting and journey more believable.
Believable characters: Someone with whom you connect. You know that person. You’ve met them. You’ve had lunch them. You’ve admired them. They’ve annoyed you with their quirky habits. They’re those people you see across a crowded coffee shop and already you’ve constructed a whole story around them, by observing their posture, expressions and gestures. You invest time following what they’ll do, what will happen to them. Believable characters don’t have to be human, but they do need human qualities and personality for readers to relate to them.
Believable setting: Best woven into the forward-moving action of the story. The writer describes the setting with the five senses, what you: 1) see, 2) hear, 3) touch, 4) smell, and 5) taste. And for the world to be memorable, the author picks up something unique or odd about the place. For example, I may write of Palm Valley in Central Australia, ‘Ghost gums jut out of the tangerine rock-face, and a soft wind rustles through the prehistoric palms.’
Believable Story: You need to convince your readers that such a sequence of events can happen. A skilful writer uses the technique of cause and effect. The character makes a choice, and their actions result in consequences often leading to dilemma that must be resolved. Readers are more likely to engage with proactive characters who influence their environment and others, and who make active choices to change and grow, rather than the passive characters who have every disaster happen to them, and their problems magically solved.
Yes, pile on the misery, pile on the challenges, don’t be afraid to get your characters into strife; that’s what the reader’s looking for. But remember, the chain of events must be believable. An article by Laurence Block, Keeping Your Fiction Shipshape*, describes the relationship between storyteller and audience is like enticing readers onto a cruise ship, keeping them there, and delivering them back to port with a good satisfying end.
It’s the skill of the storyteller to convince the audience. If the characters are believable, the setting is believable, and the action believable, your readers will enjoy the ride and complete the journey you, as the storyteller, takes them on.
As an aside, another crucial piece of feedback given about the book from several readers were that this first novel was too fast paced. In response, I have been doing some research how to manage pacing in my storytelling. This will be a topic for a future post.
[Why Notre dame? Victor Hugo, the author of Hunchback of Notre-Dame, spent the first three-quarters of the book describing the setting. Useful if you visit Paris but does nothing for moving the story forward.
Also, tourists willing to invest in the journey to climb Notre-Dame by waiting several hours in the long line that stretched the length of the Cathedral. What will they see? The gargoyles (characters), a view of Paris (setting) and a climb and walk through the Cathedral (the journey).]
I’m writing my third novel and still learning. Making my writing more dynamic and engaging is one skill I’m trying to develop. I’ve known while some scenes are full of emotion and action, other parts of my draft tend to wither into bland backstory or boring prose. I need to make my writing Zing.
The rule of “show not tell” is one of the writing rules churned out to fix boring writing. But what do we mean by showing, not telling?
I interpret showing as progressing the storyline by having my character storm around the scene with white lips, beating heart, clenched fists, and flashing eyes. They might be overcome by the smell of roses and hear the plaintive warble of a magpie. Yes, it’s all about the senses. Oh, don’t forget taste, she says with a mouthful of ashes.
Telling is informing your reader that your character is angry, smelt roses, heard a magpie, and has halitosis. Not really Zingy.
I entered a competition with my second novel and received lovely feedback from most of the judges. One judge, however, was less complimentary and hated much of what I had written. Gosh, that hurt. Despite all the warm fuzzy praise, I took the negative critique to heart, then dismissed it. After all, the other judges liked what I had written, and I got into the finals. But after I got over the elation, I took out the negative critique and with trembling hands read the judgement again.
They were right. There was critique I discarded; I honestly felt they were looking for a traditional romantic story and my novel didn’t fit the bill. But their critique of my prose was insightful and confronting and right. I will illustrate this using the actual paragraph the judge picked out to illustrate his/her point.
My line— “Eleanor had more energy and a new zest for life.”
Judges’ line— “Energy sizzled inside her, driving her to paint. Oh, how wonderful it was to pick up a brush and apply paint to a canvas again. Now that she’s accepted the facts, her life had become much better and full of zest.”
The judge’s line is full of Zing. It goes inside Eleanor, makes her feel the energy, expresses her joy, and put her emotion into the action of painting. She actively accepts that she cannot have a child, and acceptance improves her mood and energy.
I believe changing my writing style to make it Zing will require practice. I am writing a first draft of my third novel and have decided that just getting the story down is my priority. But enlivening my prose will take second priority. I will add another layer of editing with the express purpose of Zinging my prose.
Another technique for adding Zing is to use dialogue. Have characters, explain things, pontificate, console, complain, fight, disclose, advise, snub, berate order, and entice. Conversations are fun and show your character’s motivations, desires, beliefs, and points of view. They can also show how a character learns something, amends their belief, and grows as a character. Using secondary characters, friendly or not, will help your character interact and make your writing Zing. Have a look at Agatha Christie, for a masterful example of storytelling using dialogue
Sandy Vaile in her article Clarify, ‘showing for good’ provides excellent advice about aspects of active story telling. I found her ideas about placing characters in challenging situations edifying. If I’m writing a dramatic scene with action my writing Zings, my prose is stronger, and the words flow. But not all my scenes have an elevated level of conflict. In the future, I will plot more scenes with conflict. The conflict could be an internal battle with a problem or emotions or an external conflict with another person or situation but making life difficult for heroes and heroines is my new goal.
Another way to make your writing Zing is to make sure each sentence is active. I’m the queen of the passive voice but I came across a great explanation for active and passive sentences in Sandy Vaile’s’ article. Sandy states you should put the action first and the subject second and gives wonderful examples.
Passive–Tina’s homework was marked in red pen by Mrs. Gleeson. (The subject before the verb/action)
Active–Mrs. Gleeson marked Tina’s homework with a red pen. (The verb/action before the subject)
Passive–The burglar was tackled by the detective.
Active–The detective tackled the burglar.
I’m still learning about active prose. As I’m writing my first draft, some days the words flow and some days they don’t and that is often because of the setting of the scene. Planning more active and challenging situations in my plotting, adding secondary characters who engage my protagonist in active dialogue and making my characters use their senses are all techniques to master. Getting the passive/active voice is also a challenge.
Happy writing.
***
Acknowledgements
Sandy Vaile. Clarify ‘showing for good’ Romance Writers of Australia Hearts Talk August 2022.
Sandy Vaile is a motorbike-riding daredevil who writes romantic-suspense for Simon & Schuster US and supports fiction authors to produce novels they are proud to share with the world (and which get noticed by agents and publishers), through coaching, craft workshops and developmental editing.
[Currently, I’m editing Diamonds in the Cave, the next novel in my War on Boris series. This article, though first posted five years ago, is a pertinent reminder of all that the editing process involves.]
Editing—No Writer is an Island
Some time ago, a member of our writers’ group published a book.
‘I don’t want to tell anyone,’ they said, ‘because I needed a lot of help.’
Certain members of the writers’ group ensured they revealed and celebrated the news; their achievement was our achievement. A book doesn’t happen in isolation; it’s a group effort. Just as a village raises a child, for the best outcome, a community or group births a book. There’s the writer with the ideas, then comes the editor, test-readers, friends and family, the proof-reader and finally, the audience, the readers out there in reader-world.
We write stories for readers, that’s why the editing process is vital. A story needs to be readable to be effective. Readers need to understand the story to enjoy it. It’s the reason language, especially written language has rules for grammar, spelling, and the art of storytelling has a structure.
So, you’ve finished your masterpiece, but now the challenge: how will you go about editing your work? That’s where the writers’ group comes in. Fellow writers are your work’s first point of contact. Their reaction to your story will tell you if your creation is a winner or a flop. Either way, there will be more work required to perfect your piece of genius—more pen to paper, more fingers tapping on the keyboard, more pain and hair-pulling before your work can be “birthed”.
Once you have completed your work, file it away in a drawer for about three months. You need distance between you and your “baby”. When you revisit your work, you may be amazed at how brilliant you have been putting all those words together in such a clever way, or be horrified at how the gremlins of grammar, spelling, typos, weasel words, repetitions, and so on have bred and multiplied. With fresh eyes, you’ll see ways to improve your story, thus creating your second draft.
Repeat the process of draft and distance until you feel it’s ready to meet fresh eyes that don’t belong to you. But who?
Ever had trouble getting someone to peruse your work? Suddenly, they’re all busy. Or they take your story and sit on it for months, years… Again, happy are those in a writers’ group. Or be bold and blog. If you are wanting to sell your novel down the track, having a http://www.presence and band of followers may help.
For those finishing-touches to refining your work, you may seek out a professional editor. When paying an editor, ensure that you define the time and rates in a contract. For Trekking With the T-Team, I negotiated an hourly rate and a limit on the number of hours the editor would work on my book.
There are two types of editing: big picture and proof-reading. Big picture editing looks at the plot, pace, character development, language use and content. Proof-reading deals with the technical side of the work such as grammar, spelling, and formatting. But as my friend who’s an editor said, ‘It’s hard to separate the two. If the content and ideas trigger you, then it’s difficult to be objective and it affects how you respond to the piece.’
So, while it may be preferable for an editor to be outside the genre in which you are writing, it may not work for your book. A good editor, of course, is impartial, but they are still human and will approach your story from their worldview. And on the other side, we as writers are human and see the world through a filter of attitudes and the way we see ourselves. A good editor who is paid, then, is only as good as the receptiveness to feedback of the writer who pays them. After all, you are paying for that objective set of eyes, and feedback based on their experience as a reader and what they perceive as good literature or entertainment. In the end, whatever comments an editor makes, it’s up to you, the writer, to implement those changes—it’s your work, your story.
The last step of editing is proof-reading; the nit-picking of the piece before it surfaces for publication. Ernest Hemmingway, in an interview for The Paris Review (1958), said that he rewrote the end of Farewell to Arms 39 times before he was satisfied with it. However, each writer is different. I use five different coloured pencils: 1) grammar, 2) spelling, 3) word-use, 4) formatting, and 5) content. That being said, I am sure I have perused my works near 39 times by the time it reaches the Amazon shelves.
Other tips: • Reading out aloud helps with sentence structure, flow, and the art of storytelling. Even better, if you can bear it, use a voice-recorder as you read out your story, and then play it back. • Line by line editing. Print out your story and then use a ruler under each sentence to concentrate on each word. Effective for exposing typos and formatting flaws. • Start with the last chapter first, and so work through your piece backwards. Again, helps with plot-holes, character consistency and pacing. • Have an English grammar book and a dictionary within reach, for you’ll be reaching for them repeatedly. I’ve discovered that an online dictionary, or Google are also reliable resources, but beware, as dodgy information slips through the cracks of the Internet.
In the end, it’s up to you, but it’s also a group effort. We are all part of the larger community collective of writers, readers, sharers and receivers of ideas. And I cannot stress enough, the more you read, the more effective your writing will become. We learn from each other.
This edit is most effective when you have finished the structural edit and are satisfied that your story reads, flows well, and makes sense.
Copy editing, also called “line editing” or “content editing”, means that you go through your manuscript line by line to make sure each sentence and paragraph zing.
I find copy editing difficult. I just don’t see the grammar and spelling errors and lose focus quickly. Knowing your weakness as a writer is important and I use whatever help I can to line edit my work.
Lorena Goldsmith suggests you don’t edit from the beginning of your manuscript and work through to the end as you will get caught up in the story and the last chapters tend to suffer as you rush to finish. She advises that skipping around the manuscript is more helpful. Select several pages for editing, then skip to another part of the book and select the next lot of pages. This helps you stay focussed and ensures consistency.
I do multiple edits, each with a different focus. I might edit looking for contractions and adverbs in one edit, and then look at sentence length and overuse of words. Editing for me is a tedious process, but others love it and are geniuses at spotting mistakes. Give them a red pen and they edit like tigers. Revere and reward these people.
Cheating or not, I also use technology. Microsoft Word has a good basic spelling and grammar check and thesaurus. I also use a program called ProWritingAid, which has multiple checks and reviews for the editing impaired. I also pay a professional editor who hones my words into the final draft for proof-reading.
The following is a checklist of things to look for when editing. It’s not definitive.
Have I used the right word/s. Is the meaning clear? Replace a word with a stronger word.
Remove weak/or excessive verbs and adverbs. E.g., He walked quickly, replace with He marched. She spoke gently, replaced by she leaned over and whispered.
Eliminate filler words (for example: just, really, very, that, even.)
Is the selected word in the right mood for the sentence/scene?
Look at word usage. Everyday words are easy to read and understand and don’t stop the flow for the reader. Mix up words, use a thesaurus to find the right word for your line.
Is the word politically correct?
Look for long sentences.
Does the sentence make sense?
Is the paragraph too long?
Are you explaining things too much and repeating information unnecessarily?
Do paragraphs start with the same word, the same style? Mix up your beginnings.
Show not tell. Don’t say “He was nervous” use sweat made him cold as the biting wind cut the air from around him.
Avoid describing emotions. Instead, write a description of your character that incorporates what they smell, hear, feel, see, and touch in their situation that conveys the emotion.
Dialogue–does it flow naturally? Use contractions, e.g. I will to I’ll, as this makes the dialogue more realistic. Does each character have their own voice? Remove unnecessary dialogue, such as “Hello, how are you?” “Yes, good thank you.” It’s just boring. The dialogue should be relevant and move the story along, so make it snappy.
Reduce dialogue attributions. “Where are you going Jim?” Jane asked. Unnecessary, if only Jane and Jim are in the scene.
Look out for cliches. Make metaphors and similes unique and interesting.
After completing your structural and line edit, give it a read. If it’s easily read, tight, well-paced and without obvious bloopers, send it to a professional editor or a competent astute fellow writer. Make amendments, and then it’s ready for the “Proof reading” edit and formatting.
Reference:Lorena Goldsmith-Self Editing Fiction that Sells. (How to Book Ltd. UK-2013)
In 2008, my late uncle who was playwright and author flicked through the wads of paper, an early version of my manuscript called “Mary’s Story”. He didn’t like Science Fiction. He called it “Soap Opera in space”.
‘Well, at least you have only typed on one side of the page—you can use the other side, at least.’
“My baby” judged and found wanting and for very good reason. Uncle outlined all that was wrong with the novel—weasel words, you know the ones ending in “-ly”, and a thesaurus of words other than “said”, a parade of passives and you name it, I did it—wrong—in “my baby”.
‘And,’ he went on, ‘you need to number the pages.’
Good point.
‘But,’ Uncle stressed, ‘and this is a very, very, good idea. I don’t mean very good, I mean very, very, very good.’ He leafed through to near the end of the manuscript and pointed at the paragraph on the Wends. ‘I like the idea about the Wends.’
Historical fiction was Uncle’s thing.
Anyway, the next novel I was writing at the time, Diamonds in the Cave, has Wends. Thus began the formulation of a future novel, The Lost World of the Wends.
Then the best advice ever and for which I’m forever grateful to my late Uncle Richard. ‘Join a writers’ group,’ he said.
I did and I love it. Writing is a craft and I needed to hone my skill with the gentle and sometimes not-so-gentle feedback from my writing companions and mentor.
Mary’s Story was shoved in a box and hidden in the closet, never to see the light of a computer screen and I moved on. The group enjoyed my Central Australian Safari story. Yay!
Then in 2010, inspired by the biblical account where Jesus healed the man with the withered arm, I remembered Mary’s Story languishing in the closet. With my honed writing skills, I reworked the novel, plotting, developing characters, and cutting all those not-so-wonderful weasel words. I read successive chapters to the group and they got stuck into that all important helpful feedback. More changes—Mary morphed into Minna, Gunter morphed into a Grey alien and then Fox and then back to Gunter. The Hitch-hiker was born. The back story to Liesel’s itch to touch developed. And the word “was” culled.
Happy with the result in 2011, I emailed “my refined baby” to my mentor. Over our summer break, she pulled “my baby” apart. Not just withered arms, but legs, torso and head too—a vestige of Oliver Cromwell sent back to me in sections labelled: Formatting, Grammar and Spelling, Characters and Plot—Chapter by Chapter. The time, effort, and detail she put into how to fix the novel was a book.
Was there anything right with “my baby”?
I spent the next eighteen months putting the broken and more withered effigy of a novel back together. Again, rather than giving up, I embarked on this project to polish my craft. Story-time with my mum became a regular treat; first for me and then as I improved, for mum too.
When I’d completed putting the pieces back together, I contemplated the prospect of showing the mentor the finished product. But after discussion with another member of the writers’ group, I decided to get a second opinion and engaged another editor. I also re-read “my reworked, unrecognisable baby” to the writers’ group. What a difference! What a change! But still more editing…
In 2014, I recorded my story on audio and then listened to it. Best editing and proof-reading tool ever!
So…after combing through the novels dozens of times…and now all grown up, but perhaps like any of us, not perfect, The Mission of the Unwilling and The Hitch-hiker sit on the Amazon shelves…And now, the book, The Lost World of the Wends which my uncle said was a very, very, no, VERY good idea is, no longer lost, but can be found in the world of published books, too.
And my challenge continues as it has done for the past number of years…Advertising and promotion…and blogging.
Plus, in the last year, the formation of Indie Scriptorium.
We writers are told that we should concentrate on “show don’t Tell” in order to ensure our work is powerful and appealing to the reader. But what does this actually mean?
For many of us our Primary schooling years included sessions of “show and tell”. This always involved carting along some object we thought might interest others then standing up in front of the class and talking about it. If we did this well we received accolades that made us swell with pride; it was great and did our egos no end of good. “Show and tell” involved both an object and a talk. Neither of which has much connection with writing, does it?
Show don’t Tell is a very different kettle of fish. What does it mean – exactly? And how on earth do we achieve it?
The thing to realise is that there are actually two facets to this problem. The first is dialogue which we talked about last week. The second, for want of a better word, is “description”. This is the prose that links the dialogue bits together; the bits that can’t be covered by dialogue.
If we think of film, TV or the theatre, there is a lot of speaking (dialogue) but equally important is the acting; the movement, the expression on the face, the tone of voice… This is true whether it is Shakespeare, a sitcom or the worst sort of crass commercial. Both are essential to move the story along and maintain the interest of the viewer.
Even in radio where the visual has been eliminated there is much more than simply talk – music, sound effects (water dripping or waves crashing; cars racing; planes taking off; screams; laughter…). Dialogue is important. But only part of the deal. When we are writing “description” is the equivalent of acting and sound effects.
By way of illustration, compare the following two accounts of the same event, an excerpt from my (unpublished) children’s story, Chaos in the Kingdom:
“Lady Cecilia was exhausted but could not fall asleep. She was so worried about what had happened yesterday; how she’d realised what was causing all the trouble in the household. She held herself responsible. She tossed and turned all night then finally fell asleep as the sun rose.
It was late when she woke up and for a short while enjoyed being in her own room again; back with her own family. When she thought of the family she remembered how upset she’d been and got out of bed, put on her dressing gown and hurried downstairs. Miss Honoria met her in the hall, saw something was wrong so ordered tea and toast then took her outside to sit in the garden. She tried to calm her even though she had no idea what the matter was but her efforts were not much good.”
Now for the second version of the same incident:
Meanwhile, in a bedroom back at the castle the Lady Cecilia, despite feeling exhausted, was unable to drift into peaceful slumber as she had done so easily every night since returning home. She tossed and turned, fussed and fretted, switched on the light and tried to read but gave up, unable to make any sense of all the black marks on the pages. She longed for the night to end then finally, just as dawn began to break, fell into a troubled slumber.
When she woke it was late in the morning. She stretched luxuriously, smiling to herself as she did every morning at the delicious pleasure of awakening in her own bed in her own room in her own home with her own family all around her. Her family!
Memory flooded in. Dismay overcame her. She tumbled from the bed, thrust her feet into slippers and, seizing her robe, struggled to don it as she left the room and hurried downstairs. Miss Honoria met her in the hall and, taking one look at her, hastily ordered tea and toast then shepherded her out into the warmth and fresh air of a sunshiny day. Comfortable garden seats in a sheltered spot were nearby and she was soon installed in one. Miss Honoria murmured soothing nothings as Lady Cecilia wrung her hands and kept moaning, ‘How could I? Oh, how could I? I’m so silly. How could I have done that?’
Did you enjoy reading one more than the other? Can you work out why?
Which one gave you the clearer picture of what happened and what the people involved felt about it all?
A word of warning though– you need to keep a balance between dialogue and description but at times simple, concise and to the point description is fine – if it is; no more than a statement connecting events. As with most things in life; too much really is too much.
Particularly when it comes to the description side of “show don’t tell” many of us find it difficult. Sharing your writing with others you trust to be critical but kind often helps – but it must be someone (or someones) whose judgement you respect and value.
As with Stonehenge, the elements of a novel need to be placed in just the right place and with the links to make the story work.
Editing—The Structural Edit
It’s suggested that after you complete your first draft that you put the manuscript in a drawer and take a break for weeks or even months and then edit with fresh eyes. Re-read your work and ask yourself the following questions.
Is the manuscript easy to read?
Does it make sense and have a consistent style?
Does the novel start at the right time and place? Avoid starting a novel with a backstory. It’s better to get straight into the narrative.
Are the chapters in the right order?
Eliminate unnecessary repetitions?
Search for contrivances, conveniences and plot holes in your story?
Add tension from the beginning. Ending chapters and scenes with a cliff-hanger, or an intriguing question which will keep the reader engaged.
Make sure the pacing is consistent throughout the book. Start strong, avoid meandering middles and finish strongly.
Look at your setting? Are there enough description of places and people? Have you captured the mood, beliefs, language, and customs of your setting? World building involves research and imagination.
Does each scene or chapter have a designated character’s point of view? Avoid head hopping from one person’s POV to another. It can get confusing. It’s easy to slip into another character’s POV without realising so check this carefully.
Keep characters to a minimum only include those essential to the story. Ask if your characters are well-defined? Do their names suit them? Let the personality and description of the character emerge gradually. Do your character’s change and grow as the story progresses? Does each character have a unique voice so that when they speak, they are easily identified? Are their motivations sensible? Avoid stereotypes such as grumpy old men, silly secretaries etc. Give your characters challenges, quirks and personality.
Research, make sure it is correct and have your sources written down for further reference. Assume all your readers are experts and will get upset with inaccurate information.
Avoid rushing your ending. It can be tempting to summarise at the end of a novel so avoid clarifications and show rather than tell.
Structural editing is the big picture. When you do this edit, don’t worry about correcting spelling, grammar and punctuation. If you need to delete chunks of your work or add more narrative, you will need to do another line edit, anyway. I do the line edit after I make structural changes.
Having readers and critique partners is essential for structural editing. It may be helpful to have a list of questions or even formulate a questionnaire so you get consistent feedback from several readers.
Each element of the structural edit is important and needs to be addressed. Use Google and search for topics such as “Pacing your novel”, “Points of View” or “Character development”. You will uncover an abundance of good advice. Your local library will have books covering writing style and plotting a novel. I wish I had taken more time to learn and develop my writing skills before I wrote my first novel. I’m still learning and growing as a writer and I’m no expert, but that’s what we do at Indie scriptorium: we learn, share and grow.
Indie Scriptorium -- Self Publishing Collective (SPC) 