The Indie Scriptorium Team is taking a Christmas–New Year Break.
Wishing you all a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.



Above are two attempts at describing the same event. In the first I’ve used pronouns, he, his, he felt. This is me as the writer intruding, describing the action. I’ve also said he felt scared, telling not showing the fear. This is third person subjective.
In the second I’ve got rid of the pronouns, added more sensory information to illustrate fear, added internal dialogue and provided a detailed memory. It required more words but gives a deeper experience for the reader. This is third person subjective deep point of view. (Also known as 3rd person limited or 3rd person close)
Using Deep Point of View (Deep PoV) is a writing style that has become increasingly popular in the past two to three decades. It is tricky to understand, and I’ve found requires a lot of study and practice. The idea is that you tell your story from the perspective of the character, that the story emerges through their experience which includes what they see, hear, feel, taste and smell. Add some thoughts, opinions and memories and then remove the narrator’s voice, (he felt, he thought, she wondered, she saw.)
Changing your natural writing style is challenging work but I think adopting deep PoV can make the writing zing and allows the reader to engage more closely with the characters. But do I need to use deep PoV all the time and for all my characters?
I write Historical novels set in the Regency era. The writing style of authors such as Jane Austin, Charlotte Bronte and Charles Dickens use third person, but the narrator is always popping in with observations and opinions. I want my own novels to reflect the writing style of the era in which they are set but I also like to adopt the modern deeper point of view. It’s a challenge.
Having done some reading into this complex topic I have come to a set of rules that work for me as a writer. It’s a work in progress; I am learning new things all the time and making adjustments, but I thought it might help people if I share my guidelines.
These are my recommendations. They will not suit everyone, and they are a work in progress. My idea is that I write the first draft of my novel/short story and select the character who will be the PoV character for the scene/chapter but not focus on creating the deep PoV until I’ve done a structural edit. I will then do an editing sweep looking at strengthening the sensory input, opinions, thoughts, memories and actions in strategic scenes in the book.
Points of view is a complex topic. I found the following articles and books helpful.
https://www.masterclass.com/articles/how-to-write-deep-pov
https://thewritepractice.com/deep-pov/
https://theeditorsblog.net/2011/11/16/deep-pov-whats-so-deep-about-it/
I also used Richard Bradburn’s book Self-Editing for Self-Publishers, Reen Publishing 2020
I’m still finding my way with PoV. I don’t head hop as much, but I can’t say that I am deeply conscious of using deep PoV as I write my first draft, but it’s an effective and powerful tool for introducing new characters. For me it works for one or two characters in a novel and is valuable to use in highly emotive, pivotal scenes. I do enjoy giving my character’s opinions and internal dialogue as it brings the reader closer to the character.
Cheers and Merry Christmas
Elsie King© 2024

In 1986, all pumped up from a successful finish to my university degree, I began writing my “Great Australian Science Fiction” novel. I chose Science Fiction because I thought it would be easy to write.
Hah!
At every opportunity, I inflicted the latest chapter of this rough and raw work on my friends.
Below are the first few paragraphs of the very first draft of “Mary’s Story”, which 30 years later would be Mission of the Unwilling, written in 1986. The reason the title changed? Well, frankly, my writing mentor at the time thought the title, “Mary’s Story” was a bit lame. So, the book title had to change to something that would grab the reader. As a result, the main character had a name change.

Here I am inflicting this piece that needs a great deal of TLC to polish it into shape, so you can see that I was just like any other hopeful author, making all the mistakes common to novice writers. Have a look and see what you would’ve changed to improve this piece.
Twenty years passed. The manuscript languished in the cupboard. Unfinished. I had progressed halfway through. Lost my way. Lost in space and time, you could say.
Then a spark, and an idea. The story changed and continued to its end. As technology had progressed from Commodore and floppy disks to Windows PC and CDs, I had to rewrite the whole novel. Not a bad move, actually.
After printing off the reams of paper that made up the book, I took it to my uncle who was in the writerly business.

Suffice to say, he was not amused and gave feedback: Basic errors like no page numbers and glaring grammatical mistakes to using a ridiculous amount of speech attributions. It would seem that my years of motherhood had been detrimental to my writing craft. Bad habits in my writing had developed. He recommended joining a writers’ group.
Writing is a craft that requires honing skills and words to impact the reader in a positive way. Test readers, editors, fellow writers are essential to a manuscript developing from a rough draft to a polished piece ready for publishing. There is no shame in reworking or rewriting a story.

I recall my writers’ group mentor saying that with feedback: listen to it, consider it and if it works for you, implement it. If not, put the suggestion aside. It’s your writing, it’s your voice.
You may see in the sample 4 and 5, that I took most of what my writing mentor advised. There were suggestions further on in their manuscript appraisal, that I didn’t agree with. One was the use of the expression “Man!” which they said wasn’t used in the 1980’s that it was only an expression that turned up in the 1990’s. I begged to differ, as I lived through the 1970’s and 1980’s as a teenager/young adult and behold, I remember the expression “Man!” being used; not just locally in Adelaide youth circles, but also on the television.

[4. Sample of mentor’s feedback]
My mentor stressed that we need to consider our readers. Who is our audience? What do you want your story to say to them? Is the story for entertainment? Or do you have a point to make? In the end, you won’t be sitting alongside them and being able to point to a word and say, “Sorry, I didn’t mean that—this is what I did mean.”
Our written work needs to stand on its own literal two feet and make sense to the reader without the author having to be the virtual translator, and thus committing the mortal writing “sin” of “author intrusion”. Author intrusion is when the author tells the reader how they should see, think and understand the narrative. For example, think of “author intrusion” like explaining the punchline of a joke.

[5. After many more drafts, and 30-years later—Mission of the Unwilling, those paragraphs as they were, published in 2015.]
The editing process never ends. More changes in 2022: A cover aligning with the War Against Boris Series, a new “preamble” chapter, more proof corrections and formatting done to make a second edition. check out Mission of the Unwilling as it looks now.
The final result is about refinement of the work: sentence tightening, word tweaking, word cutting and polishing the prose. All through revising and proof-reading.
Now I know you’re all hanging out for the nitty-gritty; the how do I make my writing good? Make it shine? How do I make my story clear and interesting for my readers?
For a start, invest in a good “How to Write” or “Grammar and Spelling” book. The reason we have and learn this language tool of grammar is to keep us all speaking and writing our particular language on the same page. It’s like a cake recipe. Follow the recipe, the cake bake is a success. It’s so that we understand each other. Adhering to the grammar and spelling rules helps readers understand what you have written. Not misunderstand. Of course, rules can be broken for effect, but you need to know the rules of your writing craft well to have the skill to know how to bend (or even break!!) them.
As I have mentioned in previous blogs, the World Wide Web is full of resources for writers. So, no need to “reinvent the wheel”. I have mentioned Microsoft Word Editor and Grammarly but there are other websites out there you can search for and find.
Our own Indie Scriptorium’s Mary McDee has some good grammar tips which you can look at. Click on the link here on her post on the Little But Important Words as an example.
I come back to the lesson I learnt from my dad: Keep It Simple.
Use basic sentences. Avoid purple prose. Use strong verbs and choose words that are understood by most readers. Be consistent.
After all, the aim of reading is for the reader to have an experience they find enjoyable and worth their time.
© Lee-Anne Marie Kling 2024
Feature Photo: First draft of manuscript and the final Mission of the Unwilling Cover

This blog was planned to discuss Deep Point of View (PoV). However, as I went through the previous blogs published by Indie Scriptorium, I realised we had omitted to talk about points of view in general. I decided to do a quick catch up on this important topic for writers.
Point of View in writing identifies who is telling the story. There are three main points of view to choose from: first person, third person and omniscient. The second person point of view can be used but is rare in fiction.
Discussions about PoV’s can be complex and difficult to get your head around so I will try to keep it clear and simple.
Many writers tend to select the PoV that they find most comfortable for both reading and writing. I love books written from the third person PoV and struggle with first person PoV. So, when I started writing I naturally wrote in third person.
There are also trends in acceptable writing conventions. Historically the omniscient PoV was popular but in modern times first and third person PoV novels are most common. In recent times many people strongly advocate for the third person limited PoV as it engages the reader with the characters and makes the writing zing. In fact, some editors and judges of competition see anything but Deep PoV as poor writing. This has become a rule that deserves a separate blog, so stay tuned.
There are lots of good articles on line with further information about PoV. I found
Complete Guide to Different Types on Point of View: Examples of Point of View in Writing provided examples and exercises. https://www.masterclass.com/articles/complete-guide-to-point-of-view-in-writing-definitions-and-examples
Also look at the Jericho writers blog, Points of View in Fiction Writing by Harry Bingham. https://jerichowriters.com/points-of-view-in-fiction-writing-with-plenty-of-examples/
For a comprehensive discussion about PoV I suggest, Self-Editing for Self-Publishers by Richard Bradburn ©2020 Reen Publishing. (pages 315-335)
Cheers Elsie
Elsie King © 2024
Feature Photo: Frog © This Photo by Unknown Author is licensed under CC BY-NC-ND

A friend once told me: “Reading a novel is like eating cake. If you start reading something expecting “chocolate cake” but instead have “vanilla”, you feel cheated.”
Such is a reader’s experience when they pick up your book or download it as an e-book. They have certain expectations of the story from looking at the title and cover, reading the blurb, and glancing at page 100 (yes, that’s a thing).
However, the writing and language of the prose within can make or break the book’s success. If the writing is not up to standard, that is, it’s hard to understand, and a slog to read, then, you have lost your reader’s interest, I’m afraid to say.
In this blog I’ll stick to the “nuts and bolts” of what makes a piece of writing readable. That is, the language used, and writing conventions.
We may think that we have to wow the reader with clever phrases and words put all together like we are painting a fancy picture. This type of writing is called “purple prose”. Many writers have been there, believe me. Anyway, I don’t know about you, but I have.
Thirty-something years ago, I wrote about climbing Mt. Giles with my dad, brother and cousins. I did just that trying to convey the magic of the MacDonnell Ranges and the beauty of the Central Australian landscape. I gave my offering to Dad. His feedback: too much “purple prose”. That “purple” piece has been binned, so, here’s an example from the Reedsy website and their blog on “purple prose”:
“The mahogany-haired adolescent girl glanced fleetingly at her rugged paramour, a crystalline sparkle in her eyes as she gazed, enraptured, upon his countenance. It was filled with an expression as enigmatic as receding shadows in the night. She pondered whether it would behoove her to request that she continue to follow him on his noble mission…”¬~Reedsy (What Is Purple Prose? Writing 101: Definition, Tips, and Examples)
The Lesson: Keep it simple. Write as you speak. I should have known, as this is what I’d been instructing my English students at the time. Stick to strong verbs (doing words) and nouns (things, places, people). But avoid, if possible, too many adjectives (words used to describe nouns) and adverbs (words describing verbs, usually ending in -ly). Again, the Reedsy blog mentioned above has examples of how to simplify and strengthen your writing. As an exercise of simplification from the Reedsy example above, I have rewritten the first phrase as: “The girl glanced at him…”
The Aim is to have a piece of writing that is easy to read, easy to understand, and to be a rewarding and growing experience—not a waste of time or hours your reader, if they persevere with your work, will never get back.
The reason the language we speak and write has rules and conventions is for the sake of the reader. We want our stories to be understood, don’t we? Like a recipe for a cake, or road rules for driving, spelling and grammar norms help readers understand and enjoy what the writer has written.
To help with keeping my grammar and spelling in line, one of the tools I use is Microsoft Word Editor to refine my writing. Check “Editor” out if you have Microsoft Word.
Another internet tool is “Grammarly”. I downloaded and took the “Grammarly” test with one of my chapters from a detective novel I have been working on The Culvert. I found the exercise helpful in highlighting where my grammar needs correction. “Grammarly” offers a limited free service, but for a more in-depth check, a subscription is required. For some writers, “Grammarly” might be just the editing tool they have been searching for.
Simply put, the best ideas for a story may be wasted unread if the writing is not easy to read for the reader. Remember, write as you speak, and keep it simple.
© Lee-Anne Marie Kling 2024
Feature Photo: Cake © L.M. Kling 2010

Writing a book is difficult enough, but getting it edited, published and marketed adds three additional jobs to the process. A new author must go through a tremendous learning curve and expend a lot of time and effort to get their book completed to a professional standard. Luckily, there are some places to turn to for help. I have listed three organisations I have used for support, advice and information.
“Editors work with writers for the benefit of readers. They help writers get their message across with greater clarity, elegance, forcefulness and insight.”
The Institute of Professional Editors encompass editors, of all types from both Australia and New Zealand. They offer some excellent services for writers.
Check out their website for helpful articles about what editors do, the three types of editing and how editors are trained and accredited. They also cover the skills needed to be an editor. They even have advice on self-editing.
The IpEd. web site offers information about how to brief an editor and how to make a contract with one.
The Find an Editor Service is an invaluable way of finding the right editor for your project, whether it’s a romance, a history book or an academic paper. The search engine asks you some simple questions and then provides a number of editors that will fit your criteria.
I have used this service and found a wonderful editor who whipped my two novels into shape.
This professional organisation has been established for over forty years. A.S.A. provides services to aspiring, emerging and established authors and illustrators.
Services Include:
• On-line courses on a wide range of topics.
• Providing advice on subjects such as copyright, royalties and contracts.
• Supplying information about fair rates of pay for authors and illustrators.
• Offering mentorships and manuscript appraisals.
• Providing guidelines and templates for contracts.
• They make submissions to Parliament about issues affecting authors and illustrators.
• A find service for creators and illustrators.
• Speed dating – 3-minute sessions to pitch your work to an agent or publisher. ($30 fee)
Annual membership fees (2024)
Associate – $160
Full member – $215
Contact information:
Website: https://www.asauthors.org.au/contact-us/
E-mail: asa@asuthors.org
Phone: 2911 1000
This is a state wide service for authors, both aspiring and published. They are located in the Institute Building on the corner of Kintore Road and North Terrace. Right next door to the State library.
People can join for an annual fee of $98. Concession card holders and young writers can join for $60.
They offer courses, workshops writing festivals and other activities both on-line and in-person. There are fees for all activities but members get a 30% discount.
In addition, Writers SA provide manuscript assessments, pre-submission assessments, mentorship programs, feedback, consultations and synopsis audits. All these services are provided at a cost. The fees are negotiable depending on the scope of the service and size of the manuscript.
It is certainly a good idea to browse through Writers SA web site. Look at Opportunities to discover competitions and publishers seeking submission. They also have a list of Writer’s groups throughout South Australia. You can also subscribe to their free newsletter and read their blog.
They are also on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.
Happy Writing
Elsie King©2024

Words are wonderful, a vital means of communication for most humans. They are powerful but often we don’t treat them with the respect they deserve. We abuse them. We change the meaning – at times because we don’t fully understand for some reason.
But before we give ourselves a rap on the knuckles for our mistreatment of words, remember that language is alive. If words remained the same, with the same meaning for all time, then the language we speak would be dead—like Latin. The problem is that the meaning of words changes over time, but some of us haven’t kept up with the latest contemporary meaning. Or some people may use and understand a current, an “urban” meaning of a word but be unaware of its original meaning.
This happened with “decimate”. Currently most of us use it to mean “almost completely destroyed”. Originally it meant “every tenth one”. This was because it came to us from “decem”; the Latin word for ten. An ancient Roman army conquered and decimated i.e., lined up those who’d been conquered, counted their “victims” and every tenth man was put to the sword, the rest enslaved. Far from “almost complete destruction” of that enemy.
Two words that currently fascinate me are “million” and “billion”. We all know they mean “a lot”: a million of anything whether it’s dollars, dwellings or the inhabitants of those dwellings is a very large number–a seven-figure number, you know, one with six zeros attached to it (1,000 000). But just how much? What does it look like if we were to imagine it? Hard to comprehend even though we casually talk about a house selling for over a million dollars; even though we hear on the news of a million or so people in some country or other…
I once knew of a primary school teacher in a small country school who was in charge of the “middle lot”: two- or three-year levels of seven- to ten-year-olds. She wanted to give her class an idea of just how many a million was, so she decided to have the children collect bread tags to use for a number of aspects of their Maths lessons.
It wasn’t long before the whole town got involved. Bread-bag tags by the dozens, the hundreds arrived, and were used in a variety of Maths activities, then counted; the results graphed, tabulated… and finally those tags were added to all the others in a handy, unused glass aquarium. All were agog to see if that aquarium would hold a million. Everyone hoped they’d reach that magical million mark by the end of the year.
It was not to be.
The collecting continued throughout the next year. And the next. By this time friends, relatives, aunts, uncles, grandparents from near and far, some from the other side of the country were avidly collecting and contributing.
After ten years that teacher retired, and the project came to an end. The aquarium was about two thirds full and the grand total of bread-bag tags. Not even a quarter of a million.
The point was made, loud and clear. A million is an enormous number!
So, the moral of this tale is that we as writers need to take care when using words. Even simple words we use all the time can be misunderstood by the reader.
© Mary McDee 2024
Feature Photo: Welcome to France © L.M. Kling 2014

For many of us, the word “swamp” doesn’t have much in the way of appealing connotations with its implications of boggy, muddy, and probably smelly too. Many a frustrated mother has applied the word to a child’s bedroom along with orders, “Clean it up! Or at least keep the door shut! Please!”
The Macquarie Dictionary tells us that a swamp is: “a piece or tract of wet spongy land; marshy ground; an area of still, often stagnant water, infit for cultivation”.
Nothing appealing there, is there?
Words are powerful. How we use them; the pictures we get in our head when hearing them are often beyond our conscious control—we hear, we respond (and at times react. Sometimes in quite unexpected ways!)
In the far South East of our state of South Australia, “swamp” has a vastly different meaning. Here the land is flat, seemingly as level as a tabletop. Apart from the many acreages that were cleared and planted with pines, the country is studded with magnificent, giant red gums: Eucalyptus Camaldulensis.
You could see this part of the world as upside down; a reverse of “normal” where usually so-called “flat land” is actually a series of low, rolling hills and shallow valleys. Here, mile after mile of the South East however, there is not a hill to be seen, not even a gentle rise. Instead of the “gentle rises” there are dips: downs rather than ups, huge shallow bowls in the land surface. As it is so flat there are no rivers of streams but in winter all those lower parts can function as drainage sumps. Again, due entirely to that word “sump”, a less that appealing picture.
The very earliest settlers must’ve found these vast stretches of winter water an impediment, their animals could well have trampled round and in and through creating bog holes while areas for cultivation and cropping were dictated by the sheets of water impeding their workaday world. To those folk, “swamp” would surely have been seen as appropriate.
Late settlers, however, learned to work around all the water. They learned to appreciate the myriad of water birds that flocked to their swamps. They saw beauty in all those clear, still sheets reflecting the giant gums so often standing alongside.
The children of these settlers had a magical childhood where they could catch tadpoles and tortoises; paddle around in homemade rafts; climb the nearby trees; construct cubbies; build boats; and, on a convenient bank, dig out dockyards for those boats.
This was also my childhood too and it was truly magical. Along with that magical childhood, I also learned how words can be used in a way that varies their meaning—there is much more to them than mere definitions in a dictionary.
“Lake” would be far more appropriate word for the magnificent sheets of water teeming with life that were an integral part of my younger years. But “swamp”, for South Easterners like us stuck.
Such is life!
Those of us who write, however, must always be careful with our words. We cannot assume our reader will interpret what we have written in the same way that we intend. And yet we mustn’t go into long, convoluted explanations—a sure and certain way to ensure we’ll have not readers! It is truly a balancing act demanding skill, awareness, and sensitivity.
Nobody has ever said that skillful writing, effective writing is, to put it colloquially, a walk in the park. It takes time, care. And consideration—lots of that! The rewards: the satisfaction; the sense of achievement outweigh the pain and frustration many times over though, don’t they?
So just keep on writing.
© Mary McDee 2024
Feature Photo: Swamp? Or Lake? Mt. Gambier, South Australia © L.M. Kling 2001
I have been mulling over what stops us. What makes us stall from reaching our potential? Our potential to write that novel in our heads. Finish that story. Take up the challenge we are given and run with it to the end. Often, it’s the way we see ourselves. Our limitations. When faced with the challenge, our song is, “I can’t. I’m not good enough.” We reinforce our self concept with the chorus, “I failed that (insert challenge) at school.” Or “I was sacked when I did (that particular challenge)”. It got me thinking that when we define ourselves by our limitations, we work ourselves into a corner.
One fun activity that our Writers’ group found useful was the 100-word challenge. This little task helps fire up the creative juices, refine writing skills, and simply work around the limitations we writers put on ourselves.
Below is an example from my collection.

All afternoon, our backyard echoed with the hum of the cement-mixer, and intermittent scraping. Dad, armed with a trowel, smoothed the cement over an area pegged to become the back patio. Metre by metre, he pasted his way back.
Mum stood on the porch, and with hands on her hips, remarked, ‘And how are you going to get out of this one?’
In an ocean of soft cement, Dad looked around him, lost. ‘Er…um…I’ll work it out.’
Tracks back to the lawn-edge smoothed, Dad stood and admired his DIY job.
Next morning, paw-prints made their way to the rainwater tank.
© L.M. Kling 2019
Feature Photo: Dad Concreting back Patio © M.E. Trudinger circa 1978
***
Have a go at the 100-word challenge.
If you like you can drop us a line with your creation.
We’d love to see what you come up with in the comment section.

I was fortunate enough to attend a session curated by Associate Professor of Creative Writing, Amy T. Mathews at Flinders University at the 2024 Romance Writers of Australia conference. Called Romancing Academia I was intrigued to find out how a university course tackled the most popular form of fiction, romance.
It was an amazing revelation. Doctor of Philosophy doing romance?
The presenters were brilliant speakers who spoke passionately about their PhD. topics. Their analysis of the tropes used in Romance was entertaining, enlightening and inspiring.
It became obvious that Romance was much more than light entertainment to these academics. One session delved deep into the sociological, historical, psychological value of strong independent romantic heroines. It discussed how feminism is portrayed in popular literature.
Another session looked at the ways writer’s avoid incorporating characters of ethnic diversity or Indigenous characters for fear of getting it wrong.
The issue of informed consent in romantic relationships was another lively topic for a thesis.
Another speaker examined the arranged marriage trope which was contrasted with the reality of arranged marriages in many modern societies. It was explained that arranged marriages can be culturally acceptable and a welcomed way for single people to meet potential partners.
Romancing Academia was informative and enjoyable. It also highlighted for me the opportunities available for writers who want to hone their craft.
I’ve been writing for five years and have produced two historical romance novels. I’ve learnt lots by researching and writing blogs for Indie Scriptorium. I’ve honed my skills as I’ve analysed the work of other writers in my critique group. I’ve acquired information about writing romance from the Romance Writers of Australia articles and wonderful sessions at RWA conferences.
Looking back, it’s amazing how much my writing craft has developed. When I started my first novel, I didn’t have a clue about what I even needed to know. Luckily, I had two university degrees and a career in social work so I could portray characters well and understood the motives that drive people. I relied on good beta readers and editors to get my ideas into readable prose.
But do I need more? The more I write the more I realise I don’t have the skills to adequately portray the ideas, themes and goals that I want to write about. The Romancing Academia session made me think more carefully about what I write. I’ve come to realise that my passion is portraying realistic history in the format of entertaining fiction. I love history, especially neutralising the misogynist and racist biases that have been offered up over time. To do this with authenticity in fiction is not easy.
Romancing Academia opened my eyes to the possibility of enrolling in a university course that focuses on creative writing. A way of fast tracking the knowledge and skills I need to become a better writer.
In South Australia, all three of our universities offer undergraduate and post-graduate courses in Creative writing.
For information contact 8302 2376 or you can submit an on-line enquiry. Visit their web site https://study.unisa.edu.au for more information.
For more information phone 8313 7335 or 1800 407 527 or visit their website https://adelaideuni.edu.au/study/degrees/bachelor-of-arts-creative-writing
For more information contact 1300 345 633 or visit their web site: https://www.flinders.edu.au/study/creative-arts-media/writing
For me, this is an option I’m considering.
Elsie King©2024
Feature image: Graduation Cap © Shutterstock image 2024